Thursday, August 27, 2009

Flashback Friday 8.28 on Childhood Fears


I didn't have many of them but the biggest one of all involved the two favorite people in my life. The influence was tremendous although when push came to shove I seemed to have forgotten all I learned. I "knew" better, and could "change" things. DOH!! Anyway this was an emotional one. It brought back all the fears, but mostly the lack of faith. It's simple, it's a hybrid (again) bazzil, mm-defined, prima and 7 g's rubons w/some inking all the way around.
journaling: My biggest fear when I was younger that these two people would be taken from me before I knew how to cope. Each hospital stay one would have would turn my thoughts to the “inevitable”. Each heart attack my Grandpop had would turn me to mush. Each time he had a panic attack I would hyperventilate with him - but not near him I knew that wouldn’t be good for either of us. When my family moved from PA to FL it was the most gut wrenching thing ever. I cried when I spoke to them. We visited them - it was never long enough, it broke my heart to leave. Every single time. When Grandpop succumbed finally, I could tell by his voice that he had had enough. It broke my heart I didn’t make it in time to say goodbye. He was brave, faithful, and so worried how Gram would be without him. I then watched as my strong Gram fell completely apart. Mom and I helped as best we could from afar. My Grandpop’s sisters and their kids helped in our stead AND she was blessed. So then every summer I would go up and stay with her on my two week vacation. Sometimes mom would come with me. After I was divorced it was even more imperative I get there, I took my kids and mom. It was like a pilgrimage. I still cried every time I left. They were blessed to know her. Finally after 20 years she moved down here, first with me, then mom. She admitted she should’ve done it along time ago. ACK. Her worst fear was dying and being buried in FL and not next to her husband. So we resolved that prior to her move. Both were such a steady, wonderful influence on me and I was so blessed to have them. My one wish was that my kids would know them. But they only knew one. That was good. They’ve both been gone a long time, I think about them everyday, I miss them everyday, and still cry. It’s still so hard to talk about them. God Blessed me though - because He put them in my life and knew I’d have to older in age, knowledge and most of all faith. Journal - August 2009


Photo taken at Tampa International Airport - June 1973. They flew down for my brother’s HS graduation.

6 comments:

  1. wonderful layout. Love your journaling. Sorry it was so emotional for you--I still have to do mine!

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  2. Wonderful layout and fantastic journaling!!!!!!
    HUGS!

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  3. I just love the closeness that you had with your grandparents and your journaling is just wonderful. Fantasic jon on the challenge this week. I like your blog.

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  4. damn you for making me weepy. wow - what a powerful layout! your journaling is very heartfelt. I love how close you were to your grandparents. i am the same way with mine. I still don't even want to think about that day I won't be able to see them....BEAUTIFUL page too - love the gorgeous flower.

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  5. Your journaling is just heart-wrenching. I can tell how much emotion you have about this subject. Beautiful layout, beautiful words. Just beautiful.

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